emotions

Emotions have been described as discrete and consistent responses to internal or external events which have a particular significance for the organism. Emotions are brief in duration and consist of a coordinated set of responses, which may include verbalphysiologicalbehavioural, andneural mechanisms.[2] Emotions have also been described as biologically given and a result of evolution because of they provided good solutions to ancient and recurring problems that faced our ancestors”- wiki

I’ve been thinking about emotions a lately.  I have many memories, thoughts, discussions, all based on emotions, and my connection to them.

I once often told people that my astrological sign is: Cancer, and therefore I am an emotional person.  Looking back now, I was so locked into this belief, that it would make me a little out of control.  It was easy to “argue for my limitations” because well that’s the way it was. I was an emotional creature.  

This led to lots of up and down behavior on my part.  One minute I would be euphoric, and elevated beyond my wildest imagination, no drugs, just my ability to build up the high naturally.  Then there would be days where I would be down, and I mean  D O W N.  Pull back and hide away.  I could not leave the house for days.  No communication with people, no nothing.  Sometimes it would take me weeks to rebuild the rollercoaster of emotions that I was going through.

and it was my pattern.

for years.

living alone, or with somebody who didn’t challenge me, pretending to be in a relationship that was nurturing, benefiting, and providing growth for the two of us……..

didn’t happen.

I once remember my boss, tell me. “Georgette, your like up and down, always, your never on one steady flow.  It’s often difficult to work with you.  I never know where you are going to be.”

something that day clicked.  and over time, from that moment, I remember, I remember feeling that this new found awareness, of what he saw, versus how I just held to the fact that I am an emotional creature…..

it was a bit freeing.  I knew right then that I was in for some big self made changes……

and I did.  and I thought I was doing better.  I was not so roller coaster, but living alone, not counting on others, not being counted on, made it easy for me to live in my bubble, and though I had made improvements.  I had not yet succeeded..

I once learned growing up, that our issues, are only issues, until we are made aware of them, at that point, once the connection and awareness is registered, that it’s a human duty to make the change.  To stop using it as an excuse to allow our behavior to repeat this unhealthy pattern.

enter shone.

what I love, is that from the get go, he did not buy into my shit!  he challenged me, he pushed me, he let me know very clearly, that my “emotional up and down chosen behaviors” were not going to fly with him.

and that’s when I knew how much I loved him.  I didn’t want to fight him, I wanted to put more of my time into “the works” into managing this now only sometimes out of control behavior.

*I have learned, and I have now observed, that even sometimes, is just not fucking worth it….

He was kind, he was firm, he was direct.  He taught me this:  ”Argue for your limitations, and sure enough there yours”.  I learned this quote years before I read the book from where it came from.  Read it, it’s a quick and AWESOME read.  Illusions by Richard Bach.

The first 4 years of our relationship was such a spirit and soulful evolution and emotional maturing for me.  It was amazing.  It took my breathe away at times.  Sometimes the room would spin, and I would be taking in his words, my heart was open, my ears were open, I was a willing lover, to listen, and to understand.

I could trust him, because his ways were not selfish.  He was so fair, he was so kind.  He allowed me a lot of space and support while I spent time pondering on life and choosing the person I wanted to be.  

hence, doing the works.

He freed me from my emotional syndrome.  From my past ways of trying to cope and deal with things that I did not understand or felt that i had no control over.  He gave me strength. He breathed so much love into my cells.  

And I continue to do the works.  I continue to learn how to nurture my emotions, my mood, my feelings.  I am learning how to understand them.

I have had a couple of challenges with a couple of people in my inner circle over the past couple of years.  I was not able to run, i was not able to hide.  I went through a lot of feelings, a lot of frustrations, anger, resentment, and irritation.  

I’m not perfect, and I am not trying to be.  But what I do want, and why I do go through the works, is to relieve the less than providing energy and feelings that I create in my body, in my cells, in my mind.  

For a couple of reasons.

I love shone so much.  He deserves the highest level of love that I can achieve.  He lets me be me, and to honor this freedom, I choose to give back only the best.

I stop myself so many times.  I bite my lip when I am in the face of an obstacle.  Hence the people in my inner circle.  I don’t blow up, but when I need to ask for time, time to work through some challenges,  he is there.  Unconditionally supporting me, and for that, I would do anything and remain willing to keep trying, and to keep working through my stuff.

20minutes is up….but I want a little more time.  I have the ability to make changes.  Yes I do!

I learned this, that challenges and obstacles are going to occur.  No matter when, no matter where, no matter how in love or how happy we are.  It’s life.  

I’m thankful that I had the time and support of shone’s love to provide a lot of healing and balancing for me.

I continue to march forward.  Sometimes I do need to ask for space.  And it’s perfectly fine.  I am thankful.

I embrace emotions, and am learning more and more about them.

many of these writing exercises are going to take me on an emotional ride.  I am going to reflect, I want to understand them more.

Because now, I understand.  Emotions are beautiful.  I can still enjoy the different feelings, the insights they give into my life are priceless.

and yet I don’t have to be out of control, I don’t have to withdraw and take weeks and months away from others.

 I can stand strong in chaos, and I continue to get stronger.

Life, death, celebration, tragedy, it’s all a part of this life.  I embrace them.

thanks.  what a great way to start my monday!  diving in and making some room in my brain.  I’ve got a big day today, and I am happy to get to it.

xoxo

g

the first thing that comes to my mind

1 2 3 go!

I have learned that it turns me on to have others watch.  I’ve barely scratched the surface of my exhibitionism, (considering the fantasies in my mind)

It’s exhilarating when I touch myself and it feels good, I am aroused, and knowing that others are witness to this, is well, wow!

What is it about others watching that is such a turn on?  I love my sexuality, my exhibitionism is not necessarily an invitation.  

does this make sense to anybody else but me?

I love to flirt, tease, taunt, etc.  I love the digital world that we all live in. 

I love thinking, savoring, waiting.  over time, over time, over time.

sometimes I feel like a giant godzilla that just wants to eat and consume all of the sexuality I can possibly take in.  and I imagine this is what it feels like when and where I experience some of my naughty and slutty fantasies.  How else could one woman like me take on multiple bodies, pleasures, touches, arousals, creativity, feelings. yum

I’m looking forward to this.  with great appreciation and anticipation.  and I can say with certainty that it’s all about the anticipation.

so there we are, tuesday morning ramblings.

what’s on your mind today?

xoxo

g

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